Looking Around…

I think I’m trying to figure out what to do next.

Now let’s put this in context:  I’m not some great example of humanity that creates things that move large amounts of hearts and souls in our world.  I have no illusions about that… AT ALL.  I fully understand that what I have said, written and/or done in my time here, so far, probably amounts to little more than a fart in the wind.  That might even be giving me too much credit 😉

But I’m still trying to figure out my next move – the next thing I want to do or experience or… whatever.  I can’t deny that I’ve been kind of… blah… lately when I come in my office, plop down in my rig and try to DO something.  I mean I come in here in the evenings with intentions to write in my blog or work on a story, or I come in here planning to play a game with friends or jump in an online race.

Yet, that has not happened much lately… almost not at all.

Instead, I plop down in my rig and get things fired up… then nothing.  I get on my buddy’s TS channel.  I open up Steam, or I open up Word Press.

Then… well not much.

I end up watching YouTube videos and having hit and miss conversations with friends on TS.

I guess I just feel like I should be “moving” more.

Now, again, some context:  I’m not depressed.  My life is actually pretty good right now.  I’ve been enjoying time with my wife.  We don’t go and do a whole lot, but her company is something I really like.  Spending time with her is great.  Besides, the not going and doing is something we both have agreed upon reasons for anyway.  We’re older than we used to be and less tolerant of some of the bullshit that running around town supplies (something else that probably needs a rant all by itself).

My job – which is fairly new  and old to me (I might explain that someday) – is pretty good.  It’s a daily challenge to me that I find I look forward to more often than not.  There’s quite a bit of frustration there, too, but not in a stress-out, beat-down kind of way.

So, anyway, I’m not putting this out here to be a whiner.  Like I said, not depressed, not bored… just not sure.  I’m just putting it out there to let it be… known?  Maybe I’m looking for advice?

I think part of it could be due to having too much freedom in my spare time.  I think another part of it is simply a bit of burnout.  My online racing is a good example of that.  I just haven’t felt as passionate about that for quite some time now.  I still enjoy it, and the folks I hang with when I am racing are great.  I was even committed to doing some short endurance races, but the opportunity didn’t come to fruition.  That said, though, I was looking forward to it.  I, however, just don’t feel the drive to be on iRacing almost every night like I used to be.

Gaming with my buddy has not been something I have been doing with much zeal, either.  I don’t know if it’s the choice of games or what.  I very much want to get on TS and chat most every night, but I just don’t feel like getting into whatever multi-player game is on tap that night.

Now @DirtySciFiBuddha offers up some great thoughts on motivation and inspiration in his Musings blog, and I agree with quite a bit of it.  I’m even trying to apply some it.  I just haven’t found the means to stoke the furnace back to a “nominal” level yet.

Just trying to figure it out.  Thanks for listening 🙂


The Waiting Game…

It’s both a good and bad thing that I am approaching the last week of my current source of employment.  It’s good because I have chosen to challenge myself and strive for a new career path that should take me into a continually lucrative future.  I am concerned that my current trade has peaked, and there might come a time – as I age – where being so hands-on will just not be possible.  I am hopeful that project management will be something that I have some starting skill at and that I will enjoy not just being a piece on the game board, but the guy that helps get the pieces into play to “win the games”.

Project management is something that I have observed for a major portion of my time as an engineering technician.  My interaction with project managers has been been little more than get the task, complete the task and report back for the next task in the time allowed.  I have formed opinions about what a project manager should be in that time, with those types of interactions.  I am rather eager to find out if I am even remotely accurate.  So, all good things I think.  I like to learn.  This should be an education.

The bad thing is that my usefulness where I am still has waned to effectively nothing.  For me, it is a difficult thing to sit idle and pass time that does not have, at least, some productive value.  Plus, I’m just bored.  I appreciate, however, the fact that my employer is willing to keep me on until the prescribed time in spite of being idle.  I’m hoping that this will help pass the time in a more productive manner 😉

Bumpy Start to ’18


The holidays went pretty well; had some good visits with friends and family; enjoyed the gifts from Christmas.  Then December 26th happened.  Type A flu struck a big chunk of the family.  That sucked.  We were laid up for most of the holiday vacation.  We’re still recovering from it.

Then I’ve decided to change careers.  I’m getting into project management.  It was a tough decision when the choice was presented to me.  So, after giving notice to my current employer, I’m anxiously awaiting the set time to start my new career.  It’s a little scary, but I’m hopeful and looking forward to it.  Needless to say, it’s been on my mind quite a bit.

On top of that stuff, I’ve been mentally prodding myself to get back into my hobby that is iRacing.  I have been on-and-off with it for about 2 years now.  It’s not that I haven’t jumped in my rig and raced periodically.  I have even been running in the Majors League during this time, too, but I have not been heavily involved like I used to be.  I do miss the way it used to be, but I am also a little apprehensive about jumping back into it with both feet.  I guess those waters will be tested tomorrow night with the first Lone Star Sports Car Series race in around 2 years.  Gonna knock the dust off the McLaren MP4-12c.

PacMajors MP4 RidinShotgun-1

I’m going to have to get better at time management, too.  I want to put time in to my online racing, but I also want to keep in touch with my best friend, AND I want to keep writing.  These things have to be squeezed in around work and time with my family (the most important piece of this puzzle I call my life).  Wish me luck…


My Muse… Fickle Bastard


So, how the hell do you train your muse?  I’ve been suffering from writer’s block, lack of motivation, no inspiration… call it whatever.  It sucks.

Can you train your muse?  I’m not sure.  I thought it might have been possible.  But now I just don’t know.

My desire to write seems to be in my daily batch of wants and needs, but the fuel I need to do it, lately, is lacking at best – even non-existent at times.

I can’t deny having some recent distractions, but I don’t think they are the cause any kind of major block.  It’s like my muse just took a giant dump and bailed  :-/

Trying to figure it out…


Net Neutrality…

Is everybody aware of this upcoming vote about the Net Neutrality laws?  I hope so.  This is some scary stuff.  Do you know what Net Neutrality is?  In a nutshell, it means that the internet service provider (ISP) that you pay to have internet access is required by law to let you use the bandwidth you pay for in any way you see fit.  If you have 50-megabit bandwidth, with the current laws in place, you can use that 50 megabits to access whatever content you want – YouTube, Netflix, Facebook… porn… whatever.

If these laws get repealed, your ISP will now get to decide how much, if any, of that bandwidth you’re paying for you get to use for certain things.  Again, in a nutshell, it means that your ISP can limit access to certain content as they see fit.  For example, the ISP could decide not to allow enough bandwidth to stream HD Netflix, or not stream it at all.  Then it’s likely that they will be happy to start charging you more to get better access to certain content, AND they will be legal to do this.  No more unrestricted access.

Watch the video I’ve linked below. It’s got a ton of good information.  It’s worth watching for good information.  Finally, voice your opinion.  I hope you’re for keeping Net Neutrality.  I want to be able to use my internet bandwidth in any way I see fit, especially being able to blog here on WordPress.  I bet you do, too.

Net Neutrality Video Link


The Epic Retur… Who Am I Kidding?!?!?

A walk in the woods…

The wife and I decided to go hiking this morning – a good decision.  With the sweltering heat of Texas summers seemingly on the decline, we decided it was time for some outdoor activity.  We went to Rowlett Creek Preserve over near Garland.  It turned out to be a couple of hours of good fun.

I’ve ridden RCP a lot over the years.  It’s a great all-around mountain biking trail that has a little of everything for the off-road riding enthusiast.  It’s been a source of exercise and a ton of fun over the years since I started riding.  I didn’t realize, though, how different it is to walk the trail out there.  It’s a very different perspective.  We got to see things that you just don’t see when negotiating the twists and turns and various obstacles the trail offers when on a bike.  Seeing wildlife – mostly toads, frogs and birds – much more often and in a much closer proximity was interesting and fun.  Her and I used to love hiking the state parks of Missouri, and seeing the wildlife was one of the big reasons.

We’ll have to do this more often, especially now that the air temperature is more tolerable for a “northern” boy like me 😉

A pleasant surprise…

I’ve expressed my appreciation – probably not enough – for those that have chosen to follow my written ramblings on this page.  But today I got a follow that was kind of a surprise.  Since I haven’t been very active on here lately, I have no expectations of getting follows and/or seeing comments and the like when I’m not posting.  But Mr and Mrs NW saw fit to give me a follow today.  It was a surprise.  It was a very pleasant surprise.  It was kind of cool realizing that my page gets visits even when I’m not regularly updating it.  It was very cool that one of those visitors decided it was worth their time to follow my page.  Thanks.  You might have given me a bit of a boost in my motivation to start banging on the keyboard again.  I write for myself, but it sure is nice having an audience to entertain, too.  I’m a dungeon master at my core of creativity, so having “players” to present to is a good thing for me.  Again… thanks.

More to come.


Back in the Saddle…

Went for a trail ride today.  I haven’t ridden off road in… a while.  I’m not ashamed… just disappointed in myself.  I had forgotten how much I enjoy mountain biking.  I got my ass kicked 🙂  But I had fun.  I’m already looking forward to the next ride.

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that health can fail no matter what I do about it.  A friend of mine had a stroke a few weeks back.  He’s not even 50 yet, and he appeared to be in good health.  The “numbers”, if you will, just lined up against him and it happened.  So, like I said, I’m pretty aware of the fact that some things are just out of our control whether it’s a genetic thing, disease thing or something that medical technology just can’t pick up and get fixed without in-depth analysis.

That does NOT mean, however, I have a reason to just say, “f*ck it.” and let myself go.  It was explained to me by the man in the hospital bed that while control might be an illusion in some cases, taking action to improve my fitness and health and stay better maintained CAN have a significant influence on the dice of my life when they are rolled.  I was also told to keep cycling/biking.  Today, I decided to follow that order.  It was a good thing.

Here’s to hoping for his recovery, and a thanks for reminding me to get off my ass.