I finished the fight between Bern and the goblin. Please, let me know what you think. Would you like to know what happens next? Did the goblin live? Let me know if you want to know more. Go take a look 😉
A new page on Mindracing 9…
I did a little editing the other night on a fantasy scene I had rattling around in my head. I posted the first crack at it in my blog sometime back. I decided to read it over again and made a couple of small adjustments. It’s incomplete, but I think it has the potential to grow into something bigger. With that in mind, I decided to give it a page here on Mindracing 9. I don’t know if this will be a novel or a short story… or a whatever. I am just going to put stuff out there related to this. I’ll try to “track” things so folks know when I’ve made edits, additions, etc.
Once again, I’d appreciate it if y’all gave it a read and let me know your thoughts. Also, again, I don’t mind negative feedback. If it sucks, please tell me why you think so. If it’s good, please tell me why you think so. If you have an idea about where you’d like to see the story go, by all means, speak up. 🙂
Getting feedback is a huge motivation for me to make an effort to do more. It would be a very cool thing to get published “for real” some day, but I would be happy to know that I’ve entertained some folks with what I’m doing right here. It’s the gamer in me that drives this. It’s not about wanting an audience for a show or to make money (that would be nice, though) so much as a desire to provide something that somebody will have fun reading. I used to DM/GM (that s dungeon master/game master for the “layman”) tabletop role-playing games a lot. The most enjoyment I got out of it was when I knew my players were getting into their characters and the adventure/story I was laying out before them. It had nothing to do with being “in charge” or the leader or looking for some ego trip. I just loved being able to rile up the players’ imaginations and see them get hooked on the adventure. When I knew they were into it, my motivation between game nights to get them more was through the roof. If they weren’t into it, I encouraged them to let me know and give me ideas to work with. That ‘s what made me a good DM/GM. I’m hoping to be the same way as a writer, I suppose. So, help me out, huh?
Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Thanks in advance for letting me know what you think.
Catch ya again soon.
So, I just re-read
I’ve done better… way better. I usually don’t make those kinds of mistakes in my writing. Missing a word or two, grammar problems… wtf? I know I’m amateur, but damn. Even I should do better than that, especially if I’m going to “publish” what I write. I have done better than that. I need to do better than that. Sorry to those that have read it. I’ll definitely try to do better.
I think Mind the Shadows might need some changes… maybe an overhaul… an enema? I’m not sure what specifically is missing, but I think I lost interest because of some sort of self-imposed “barrier” I could not figure out how to get past. I know it’s first person, and describing what Marek is/was feeling and how he sees/saw things is a good thing. BUT… I’m wondering if I’ve written too much of that “good thing”. I need some more action in it.
Please, tell me if you think I’m right.
I don’t think I’ll change from writing as Marek (1st person) just yet, but I might get a little more “shallow”(???). I’ll try to create more action and story progression versus interaction and, what I think is, character development. Remember… AMATEUR. This is where I could use some help/feedback. Ask questions. Tell me it sucks, if you want, but tell me why you think it sucks. I would actually appreciate that.
A bit more… Keep the feedback coming. I really appreciate it. Apparently I need the motivation, too <grin>
The goblin feinted a rush, but only took a couple of steps. Bern’s awareness was on overdrive, though, and he did not react to the feint. This seemed to make the goblin even more angry – if that was possible. It screamed in rage at Bern and thrust the dagger into the air over its head. Bern was a bit confused by the display, but would not let his concentration waver. Bern knew that the goblin could kill him if given the opportunity. Bern was not planning on dying that day.
The rush came, and Bern was ready. His muscular body tensed as he prepared to unleash his strength through the club. The goblin was not stupid and stayed to Bern’s right side as it closed the distance. It was apparently hoping to minimize the swing of the club.
What the goblin did not know, however, was that Bern had been carrying and swinging that 3-foot long piece of shaped ironwood since he was five summers old. Now at 20 summers, the club had become the extension of a very powerful body. And Bern knew how to use that club just as well as his father’s garden hoe and plow. The goblin was stopped hard in its tracks by a quick, sharp jab to the face with the end of the club. A muffled crunch could be heard as the bulbous nose on the goblin’s face was crushed.
Bern did not waist a moment as he spun to his right starting a roundhouse swing of the club leveled at the goblin’s head. The goblin was quicker, though, better seasoned in a fight and less stunned than expected. It ducked Bern’s swing and lashed out with its dagger, taking advantage of the momentum Bern had created for himself with such a powerful swing.
As the club whiffed through the air just above the goblin’s head, the sound of tearing homespun cloth could be clearly heard. In spite of the blurred vision that a crushing shot to the nose most assuredly had caused, the goblin had aimed its thrust well, and the dagger caught Bern’s tunic tearing quite a hole in it underneath his right arm. Then as the goblin pulled back, it managed to turn slightly into Bern and rake the dagger across his flank.
Bern gasped through gritted teeth as white hot fire shot through his side. He stumbled slightly as he pulled away from the source of the pain. The falter in balance probably saved his life because the goblin had managed to keep some its footing and tried to thrust the jagged bone dagger into Bern a second time. Another hole was torn in Bern’s tunic, but the dagger only tasted cloth that time.
Bern had never been truly injured in the few fights he’d experienced before this one, and most of those fights did not involve potentially lethal weapons like the goblin’s dagger or opponents with such deadly intent. The searing pain on his side was causing Bern to feel a little lightheaded, and the biting panic of fearing for one’s life was trying to take hold of his psyche. As level-headed as he usually was, Bern had not been prepared to deal with what he found himself facing in the fight with this goblin.