Looking Around…

I think I’m trying to figure out what to do next.

Now let’s put this in context:  I’m not some great example of humanity that creates things that move large amounts of hearts and souls in our world.  I have no illusions about that… AT ALL.  I fully understand that what I have said, written and/or done in my time here, so far, probably amounts to little more than a fart in the wind.  That might even be giving me too much credit 😉

But I’m still trying to figure out my next move – the next thing I want to do or experience or… whatever.  I can’t deny that I’ve been kind of… blah… lately when I come in my office, plop down in my rig and try to DO something.  I mean I come in here in the evenings with intentions to write in my blog or work on a story, or I come in here planning to play a game with friends or jump in an online race.

Yet, that has not happened much lately… almost not at all.

Instead, I plop down in my rig and get things fired up… then nothing.  I get on my buddy’s TS channel.  I open up Steam, or I open up Word Press.

Then… well not much.

I end up watching YouTube videos and having hit and miss conversations with friends on TS.

I guess I just feel like I should be “moving” more.

Now, again, some context:  I’m not depressed.  My life is actually pretty good right now.  I’ve been enjoying time with my wife.  We don’t go and do a whole lot, but her company is something I really like.  Spending time with her is great.  Besides, the not going and doing is something we both have agreed upon reasons for anyway.  We’re older than we used to be and less tolerant of some of the bullshit that running around town supplies (something else that probably needs a rant all by itself).

My job – which is fairly new  and old to me (I might explain that someday) – is pretty good.  It’s a daily challenge to me that I find I look forward to more often than not.  There’s quite a bit of frustration there, too, but not in a stress-out, beat-down kind of way.

So, anyway, I’m not putting this out here to be a whiner.  Like I said, not depressed, not bored… just not sure.  I’m just putting it out there to let it be… known?  Maybe I’m looking for advice?

I think part of it could be due to having too much freedom in my spare time.  I think another part of it is simply a bit of burnout.  My online racing is a good example of that.  I just haven’t felt as passionate about that for quite some time now.  I still enjoy it, and the folks I hang with when I am racing are great.  I was even committed to doing some short endurance races, but the opportunity didn’t come to fruition.  That said, though, I was looking forward to it.  I, however, just don’t feel the drive to be on iRacing almost every night like I used to be.

Gaming with my buddy has not been something I have been doing with much zeal, either.  I don’t know if it’s the choice of games or what.  I very much want to get on TS and chat most every night, but I just don’t feel like getting into whatever multi-player game is on tap that night.

Now @DirtySciFiBuddha offers up some great thoughts on motivation and inspiration in his Musings blog, and I agree with quite a bit of it.  I’m even trying to apply some it.  I just haven’t found the means to stoke the furnace back to a “nominal” level yet.

Just trying to figure it out.  Thanks for listening 🙂


20 Followers… woo hoo???

I just noticed that I have 20 followers.  At first, I was like, “Very cool!”  Then I noticed something else.  I saw that one of the followers is me.  I don’t remember following myself, but okay… <shrugs>.  Then I noticed that 2 of my followers are the same person.  So, I guess, technically I have 18 followers.  I can’t count myself as a follower because I’m stuck with me O_O

It still feels good.  So, thank you, followers.  I hope you’re enjoying some portion of the stuff that gets out of my head and onto this electronic medium.  Feel free to let me know what you think of any of it.  I’m eager to learn what I could do better, and/or hear that someone likes what I do here… or a different opinion, some advice or random passing thought.  😉

Until next time…

Bumpy Start to ’18


The holidays went pretty well; had some good visits with friends and family; enjoyed the gifts from Christmas.  Then December 26th happened.  Type A flu struck a big chunk of the family.  That sucked.  We were laid up for most of the holiday vacation.  We’re still recovering from it.

Then I’ve decided to change careers.  I’m getting into project management.  It was a tough decision when the choice was presented to me.  So, after giving notice to my current employer, I’m anxiously awaiting the set time to start my new career.  It’s a little scary, but I’m hopeful and looking forward to it.  Needless to say, it’s been on my mind quite a bit.

On top of that stuff, I’ve been mentally prodding myself to get back into my hobby that is iRacing.  I have been on-and-off with it for about 2 years now.  It’s not that I haven’t jumped in my rig and raced periodically.  I have even been running in the Majors League during this time, too, but I have not been heavily involved like I used to be.  I do miss the way it used to be, but I am also a little apprehensive about jumping back into it with both feet.  I guess those waters will be tested tomorrow night with the first Lone Star Sports Car Series race in around 2 years.  Gonna knock the dust off the McLaren MP4-12c.

PacMajors MP4 RidinShotgun-1

I’m going to have to get better at time management, too.  I want to put time in to my online racing, but I also want to keep in touch with my best friend, AND I want to keep writing.  These things have to be squeezed in around work and time with my family (the most important piece of this puzzle I call my life).  Wish me luck…


A Response to DSFB, but I Liked its… Magic :-)

So, I was reading through a post by Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha (he posts good stuff).  He posited that science and magic are both equally wondrous and mysterious.  I completely agree, but a took it a bit further in a comment I posted to his thread.  When I got done reading it, I decided it was worth making my own post.  Yay, me? 😉

Science? Magic? A difference? When all in Reality that can be discovered, tested and verified is such, only the mind and will is left to affect Reality. Then it becomes a renewed matter of discovery, testing and verification, but now it’s on how the mind and will affects Reality. So, magic? Science? A difference?

Go back and read his post to help make sense of this.  Give DSFB a follow, too.  Thanks for the inspiration, ‘Buddha.


Back in the Saddle…

Went for a trail ride today.  I haven’t ridden off road in… a while.  I’m not ashamed… just disappointed in myself.  I had forgotten how much I enjoy mountain biking.  I got my ass kicked 🙂  But I had fun.  I’m already looking forward to the next ride.

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that health can fail no matter what I do about it.  A friend of mine had a stroke a few weeks back.  He’s not even 50 yet, and he appeared to be in good health.  The “numbers”, if you will, just lined up against him and it happened.  So, like I said, I’m pretty aware of the fact that some things are just out of our control whether it’s a genetic thing, disease thing or something that medical technology just can’t pick up and get fixed without in-depth analysis.

That does NOT mean, however, I have a reason to just say, “f*ck it.” and let myself go.  It was explained to me by the man in the hospital bed that while control might be an illusion in some cases, taking action to improve my fitness and health and stay better maintained CAN have a significant influence on the dice of my life when they are rolled.  I was also told to keep cycling/biking.  Today, I decided to follow that order.  It was a good thing.

Here’s to hoping for his recovery, and a thanks for reminding me to get off my ass.


I Didn’t Let It Go…

I’m one of those folks that has a (bad) habit of hanging on to things far longer than I should.  I’ll look at something that I’ve had on a shelf or in a closet and know full well that I am likely never to need/use it. BUT… I just can’t bring myself to get rid of it.  What if I end up actually needing it?  Is it something I can replace if I ever want it again?  Is it really hurting anything by just staying where it’s at in case I need it?

The reality is that in more cases than not, I absolutely should get rid of some of the $hit I have on shelves and stuffed in closets.  In some cases – more recently, because I’m getting better about it – I have gotten rid of some stuff. (I still have a long way to go)  My only motivation, though, might have been just to have space for the next item that I want, but I have gotten rid of stuff that was ultimately serving only two functions, collecting dust and taking up space.

There have been a few things, though, that I have absolutely refused to part with, and I have kept them for years.  One category of items is books.  I don’t have a huge collection of books, but I have many.  Most are role-playing game books (D&D, etc.). Others are books from my favorite authors (Feist, Brooks, Zahn and others).  Some of these books I have not picked up in years, and we’re talking about some of these being 30+ years old. They’ve moved with me from place to place, and ended up on shelves in an area of the home that my wife has deemed acceptable.  I simply refuse to get rid of them.  Having them is a comfort, I suppose.  They contain great memories, especially the RPG books.  Great stories, read and wrought, have come from these books.  I am not likely to ever get rid of them.  It will be a burden my daughter will have to deal with when I am no longer able to live.

The other array of things I have kept over many years are the mental expulsions I have put onto paper – both cellulose and electronic.  This collection contains the results of musings, inspiration and/or motivation from many role-playing game campaigns and my less than stellar attempts at smithing words.  Like the books, this collection possesses memories of things from a major portion of my life.  I can remember great times sitting at the table with my players when I look at some of my old game notes.  I look at a poem or snippet of story idea and, love it or hate it, remember that writing is part of who I am, no matter how poorly I perform that act.

Well, hanging on to this stuff has helped inspire/motivate me a bit again.  I have been lacking in my endeavor to craft some yarns.  So hanging on to this stuff might have actually been worth it… to me, anyway.  I found half-drawn maps of my fantasy world the other night.  I have since spread them out on a table and started working on them again.  This inspired a post about Welandar – the kingdom in this world where my ideas are trying to manifest – here – and a story here that I am going to put in that world.  I’m hoping I’ll stick with it now that I’ve grown older… and maybe up a bit 😉

So, I guess the point I’m trying to make – if there is a point to this ramble – is that hanging on to certain things is a good thing. My advice, though, is to figure out what those things are and work on clearing out the rest.  It might just make room for more good stuff.  There is nothing wrong with hanging on to things that remind you of good times or inspire you to do something you enjoy.


Rework or Rebuild?


As you may have noticed, I took down Mind the Shadows.  I felt compelled to pull it and… well… decide, I guess, what to do with it.

The truth is that I think it kind of got away from me.  I was more concerned about cranking out words and “action” than with understanding what I wanted for my characters – not to mention, among other things, what my characters wanted for themselves.

It started feeling like doing a job versus just being a story I wanted to tell and being something fun to do.  So, as you ALSO may have noticed, I got sloppy when I did produce words, AND I started producing less often.

I’m at a crossroads for either reworking (my term for doing some editing) the existing story or rebuilding it.  I’ll likely keep the general story line that I started, but I’m not sure if I’ll pare it down to being part of Marek’s background, or if I’ll rework and streamline it, then continue on from there.

I would like to get a bit more “future history” in there for a better description of the setting.  I felt like that was lacking.

I’m still learning how to do all this, so I don’t know what you should expect.

I wouldn’t mind some advice.

I did get one great piece of advice. It was part of what prompted me to start down this path for Mind the Shadows.  Dirty SciFi Buddha posted one of his musings that really got my attention.  Here is the link to the post.  He’s right, too.  I was cranking out “stuff”, but I wasn’t paying attention to my characters.  I wasn’t letting them become the living breathing people they need to be.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts about Mind the Shadows.  Let me know your thoughts about anything.  As always thanks for your comments and feedback.