Looking Around…

I think I’m trying to figure out what to do next.

Now let’s put this in context:  I’m not some great example of humanity that creates things that move large amounts of hearts and souls in our world.  I have no illusions about that… AT ALL.  I fully understand that what I have said, written and/or done in my time here, so far, probably amounts to little more than a fart in the wind.  That might even be giving me too much credit 😉

But I’m still trying to figure out my next move – the next thing I want to do or experience or… whatever.  I can’t deny that I’ve been kind of… blah… lately when I come in my office, plop down in my rig and try to DO something.  I mean I come in here in the evenings with intentions to write in my blog or work on a story, or I come in here planning to play a game with friends or jump in an online race.

Yet, that has not happened much lately… almost not at all.

Instead, I plop down in my rig and get things fired up… then nothing.  I get on my buddy’s TS channel.  I open up Steam, or I open up Word Press.

Then… well not much.

I end up watching YouTube videos and having hit and miss conversations with friends on TS.

I guess I just feel like I should be “moving” more.

Now, again, some context:  I’m not depressed.  My life is actually pretty good right now.  I’ve been enjoying time with my wife.  We don’t go and do a whole lot, but her company is something I really like.  Spending time with her is great.  Besides, the not going and doing is something we both have agreed upon reasons for anyway.  We’re older than we used to be and less tolerant of some of the bullshit that running around town supplies (something else that probably needs a rant all by itself).

My job – which is fairly new  and old to me (I might explain that someday) – is pretty good.  It’s a daily challenge to me that I find I look forward to more often than not.  There’s quite a bit of frustration there, too, but not in a stress-out, beat-down kind of way.

So, anyway, I’m not putting this out here to be a whiner.  Like I said, not depressed, not bored… just not sure.  I’m just putting it out there to let it be… known?  Maybe I’m looking for advice?

I think part of it could be due to having too much freedom in my spare time.  I think another part of it is simply a bit of burnout.  My online racing is a good example of that.  I just haven’t felt as passionate about that for quite some time now.  I still enjoy it, and the folks I hang with when I am racing are great.  I was even committed to doing some short endurance races, but the opportunity didn’t come to fruition.  That said, though, I was looking forward to it.  I, however, just don’t feel the drive to be on iRacing almost every night like I used to be.

Gaming with my buddy has not been something I have been doing with much zeal, either.  I don’t know if it’s the choice of games or what.  I very much want to get on TS and chat most every night, but I just don’t feel like getting into whatever multi-player game is on tap that night.

Now @DirtySciFiBuddha offers up some great thoughts on motivation and inspiration in his Musings blog, and I agree with quite a bit of it.  I’m even trying to apply some it.  I just haven’t found the means to stoke the furnace back to a “nominal” level yet.

Just trying to figure it out.  Thanks for listening 🙂


An Inspired Response

So, I just read this post by @millyschmidt where she talks about dealing with being rejected by publishers.  She writes about a pretty good process for getting through rejections – something that writers live with a lot.

So, anyway, I was triggered for some reason to write this…

The ultimate sword is forged when the hammer strikes the perfect spot on the cooling blade at the perfect moment in time. Then, and only then, can this blade transcend from an ordinary tool of utility and general purpose to the artifact that can slay the beast; the beast that is working to crush you and deny you the chance to live as you see fit. A desire to create such a weapon and the will to enter the forge suggests that you may have the recipe. The real question at this point, however, is not whether you can forge the sword. Instead, the question is do you have the drive to live for the opportunity to do so?  Only those that are willing to embrace the passion for just being in the forge will be given even the slightest chance for creating that ultimate sword.

20 Followers… woo hoo???

I just noticed that I have 20 followers.  At first, I was like, “Very cool!”  Then I noticed something else.  I saw that one of the followers is me.  I don’t remember following myself, but okay… <shrugs>.  Then I noticed that 2 of my followers are the same person.  So, I guess, technically I have 18 followers.  I can’t count myself as a follower because I’m stuck with me O_O

It still feels good.  So, thank you, followers.  I hope you’re enjoying some portion of the stuff that gets out of my head and onto this electronic medium.  Feel free to let me know what you think of any of it.  I’m eager to learn what I could do better, and/or hear that someone likes what I do here… or a different opinion, some advice or random passing thought.  😉

Until next time…


The Waiting Game…

It’s both a good and bad thing that I am approaching the last week of my current source of employment.  It’s good because I have chosen to challenge myself and strive for a new career path that should take me into a continually lucrative future.  I am concerned that my current trade has peaked, and there might come a time – as I age – where being so hands-on will just not be possible.  I am hopeful that project management will be something that I have some starting skill at and that I will enjoy not just being a piece on the game board, but the guy that helps get the pieces into play to “win the games”.

Project management is something that I have observed for a major portion of my time as an engineering technician.  My interaction with project managers has been been little more than get the task, complete the task and report back for the next task in the time allowed.  I have formed opinions about what a project manager should be in that time, with those types of interactions.  I am rather eager to find out if I am even remotely accurate.  So, all good things I think.  I like to learn.  This should be an education.

The bad thing is that my usefulness where I am still has waned to effectively nothing.  For me, it is a difficult thing to sit idle and pass time that does not have, at least, some productive value.  Plus, I’m just bored.  I appreciate, however, the fact that my employer is willing to keep me on until the prescribed time in spite of being idle.  I’m hoping that this will help pass the time in a more productive manner 😉


My Muse… Fickle Bastard


So, how the hell do you train your muse?  I’ve been suffering from writer’s block, lack of motivation, no inspiration… call it whatever.  It sucks.

Can you train your muse?  I’m not sure.  I thought it might have been possible.  But now I just don’t know.

My desire to write seems to be in my daily batch of wants and needs, but the fuel I need to do it, lately, is lacking at best – even non-existent at times.

I can’t deny having some recent distractions, but I don’t think they are the cause any kind of major block.  It’s like my muse just took a giant dump and bailed  :-/

Trying to figure it out…


Just Passing By…

I wanted to make sure I didn’t go TOO long without a post…

I can’t say with any definitive reason why I have not been writing and/or posting.  I just haven’t been motivated, and I guess, I’ve been a little blocked.  I’m trying to sort it out, but the things that normally flash into that abyss I call my brain just aren’t flashing lately.  I come home from work “tired”.  I’m just not sure what it is yet, that’s keeping me shut down.  I’ll eventually figure it out, though.  I’m a problem solver.  It’s what I do. 🙂

Even my racing hobby with iRacing has slipped some.  I think similar illusive reasons are the culprit.  There is also concern over a friend who shares the racing thing with me.  He’s not even 50 yet and he is in the hospital fighting to recover from a stroke.  There are a lot of people wishing and praying for him.  I, personally, believe he’ll pull through with time, but I will not deny the shock I’ve experienced since finding out about this.  I guess it has to do with it being someone that is close to the same age and it’s someone that seemed healthy, active and well… just a good guy.  Crazy.

Like I said… just passing by.

Not gone, just lurking in the shadows at the moment…


Post Ass Whip…

Well that first week at the new job was an ass whip. But…  It was a good thing.  I like the new job.  The learning curve is MONSTROUS!!!  I’m gonna love some of the challenges.  There is so much to learn and what seems to be a good bunch of folks to work with.

There is much less angst going to work now.  Yeah, I’m kind of a wuss when it comes to dealing with new jobs.  I guess it’s because I want to make a good impression as soon as possible.  I want to be a valuable member of the team right away.  Some of it was the other big changes that came with the job, a longer day and a much longer commute.  I have less personal time during the week since I work a 9-hour day and have every other Friday off.  The Friday thing seems kinda cool, but I’ll have to get used to 10 hours at work plus about an hour round-trip.  I got very used to being 4 miles from work and having the opportunity to come home for lunch on a near daily basis.

I was actually looking forward to going to work today…

This weekend iRacing hosted the 24 Hours at Spa.  With the new job and a week out of town the week before, I had no chance to prep for this team endurance racing event. But Ridin’ Shotgun Motorsports put a car on the grid and ended up doing quite well.  There were some trials to be sure, but they worked out a podium (3rd place) finish.  Nice going, boys.  I can’t wait until the next endurance race.  I am definitely wanting to get back into iRacing.  I’ve… missed it.

Next on the list of shit to do is get the daughter to college.  I’ll let you know how that goes…

Later 😉