I think I’m trying to figure out what to do next.
Now let’s put this in context: I’m not some great example of humanity that creates things that move large amounts of hearts and souls in our world. I have no illusions about that… AT ALL. I fully understand that what I have said, written and/or done in my time here, so far, probably amounts to little more than a fart in the wind. That might even be giving me too much credit 😉
But I’m still trying to figure out my next move – the next thing I want to do or experience or… whatever. I can’t deny that I’ve been kind of… blah… lately when I come in my office, plop down in my rig and try to DO something. I mean I come in here in the evenings with intentions to write in my blog or work on a story, or I come in here planning to play a game with friends or jump in an online race.
Yet, that has not happened much lately… almost not at all.
Instead, I plop down in my rig and get things fired up… then nothing. I get on my buddy’s TS channel. I open up Steam, or I open up Word Press.
Then… well not much.
I end up watching YouTube videos and having hit and miss conversations with friends on TS.
I guess I just feel like I should be “moving” more.
Now, again, some context: I’m not depressed. My life is actually pretty good right now. I’ve been enjoying time with my wife. We don’t go and do a whole lot, but her company is something I really like. Spending time with her is great. Besides, the not going and doing is something we both have agreed upon reasons for anyway. We’re older than we used to be and less tolerant of some of the bullshit that running around town supplies (something else that probably needs a rant all by itself).
My job – which is fairly new and old to me (I might explain that someday) – is pretty good. It’s a daily challenge to me that I find I look forward to more often than not. There’s quite a bit of frustration there, too, but not in a stress-out, beat-down kind of way.
So, anyway, I’m not putting this out here to be a whiner. Like I said, not depressed, not bored… just not sure. I’m just putting it out there to let it be… known? Maybe I’m looking for advice?
I think part of it could be due to having too much freedom in my spare time. I think another part of it is simply a bit of burnout. My online racing is a good example of that. I just haven’t felt as passionate about that for quite some time now. I still enjoy it, and the folks I hang with when I am racing are great. I was even committed to doing some short endurance races, but the opportunity didn’t come to fruition. That said, though, I was looking forward to it. I, however, just don’t feel the drive to be on iRacing almost every night like I used to be.
Gaming with my buddy has not been something I have been doing with much zeal, either. I don’t know if it’s the choice of games or what. I very much want to get on TS and chat most every night, but I just don’t feel like getting into whatever multi-player game is on tap that night.
Now @DirtySciFiBuddha offers up some great thoughts on motivation and inspiration in his Musings blog, and I agree with quite a bit of it. I’m even trying to apply some it. I just haven’t found the means to stoke the furnace back to a “nominal” level yet.
Just trying to figure it out. Thanks for listening 🙂