My Muse… Fickle Bastard


So, how the hell do you train your muse?  I’ve been suffering from writer’s block, lack of motivation, no inspiration… call it whatever.  It sucks.

Can you train your muse?  I’m not sure.  I thought it might have been possible.  But now I just don’t know.

My desire to write seems to be in my daily batch of wants and needs, but the fuel I need to do it, lately, is lacking at best – even non-existent at times.

I can’t deny having some recent distractions, but I don’t think they are the cause any kind of major block.  It’s like my muse just took a giant dump and bailed  :-/

Trying to figure it out…


Just Passing By…

I wanted to make sure I didn’t go TOO long without a post…

I can’t say with any definitive reason why I have not been writing and/or posting.  I just haven’t been motivated, and I guess, I’ve been a little blocked.  I’m trying to sort it out, but the things that normally flash into that abyss I call my brain just aren’t flashing lately.  I come home from work “tired”.  I’m just not sure what it is yet, that’s keeping me shut down.  I’ll eventually figure it out, though.  I’m a problem solver.  It’s what I do. 🙂

Even my racing hobby with iRacing has slipped some.  I think similar illusive reasons are the culprit.  There is also concern over a friend who shares the racing thing with me.  He’s not even 50 yet and he is in the hospital fighting to recover from a stroke.  There are a lot of people wishing and praying for him.  I, personally, believe he’ll pull through with time, but I will not deny the shock I’ve experienced since finding out about this.  I guess it has to do with it being someone that is close to the same age and it’s someone that seemed healthy, active and well… just a good guy.  Crazy.

Like I said… just passing by.

Not gone, just lurking in the shadows at the moment…

Post Ass Whip…

Well that first week at the new job was an ass whip. But…  It was a good thing.  I like the new job.  The learning curve is MONSTROUS!!!  I’m gonna love some of the challenges.  There is so much to learn and what seems to be a good bunch of folks to work with.

There is much less angst going to work now.  Yeah, I’m kind of a wuss when it comes to dealing with new jobs.  I guess it’s because I want to make a good impression as soon as possible.  I want to be a valuable member of the team right away.  Some of it was the other big changes that came with the job, a longer day and a much longer commute.  I have less personal time during the week since I work a 9-hour day and have every other Friday off.  The Friday thing seems kinda cool, but I’ll have to get used to 10 hours at work plus about an hour round-trip.  I got very used to being 4 miles from work and having the opportunity to come home for lunch on a near daily basis.

I was actually looking forward to going to work today…

This weekend iRacing hosted the 24 Hours at Spa.  With the new job and a week out of town the week before, I had no chance to prep for this team endurance racing event. But Ridin’ Shotgun Motorsports put a car on the grid and ended up doing quite well.  There were some trials to be sure, but they worked out a podium (3rd place) finish.  Nice going, boys.  I can’t wait until the next endurance race.  I am definitely wanting to get back into iRacing.  I’ve… missed it.

Next on the list of shit to do is get the daughter to college.  I’ll let you know how that goes…

Later 😉


So, a couple things are on the brain…

First,  I have a family member that has been in a bad way for a bit now.  I’ve mentioned this before in another post.  Anyway, the family decided that this person needs more help than they can readily give to keep this person safe.  My family is getting older… and fewer.  This person simply has lost the ability to function safely while alone.  I was Home when the family had to perform one of the “rescues”, if you will.  It was pretty obvious to me that a bit more vigilance is needed.  So, this person is now in assisted living.  I know the place since I had a great aunt in there.  I personally think this was a good idea.  I’m hoping for the best, too.  The situation now allows for a bit of… healing for this person, or at the very least, a chance to enjoy the good times without having to suffer when shit just ain’t working.

It’s a different thing for me.  This person is one of the aunts/uncles.  This is a person that most of my memories involve someone that, while not necessarily perfect, was with it and capable and an active member of the family… a “not as old” member of the family (kid’s perspective, heh).  The grandparents and great aunts/uncles are a generation removed, and while I was close to all of them – closer in some cases,  I guess there’s an unconscious understanding that those family members are older; thus, their time with the family is more limited, and things like going into homes is… expected?  I hope I’m being clear, though I’m not sure.  I guess this person having to go into a retirement facility ‘hits a little closer to home’.  It has made me stop and think about some things for sure.

On to the other thing… maybe related on some levels?

I’ve been “wandering around” in my spare time.  I’ve had evenings after work where I’m just not sure what to do with myself.  Y’all know that I do the iRacing thing as a hobby.  I love it… but… I have not been involved in racing lately.  In fact, I’ve missed some significant races over the past few weeks.  It’s like I haven’t had the time I need to be ready and meet the requirements, and/or I just don’t want to spend the time.  It’s been truly both scenarios, too.  Obviously, real-life obligations have to take precedence over my virtual racing career, and I’ve had a few things to do in the evenings.  So, some of the time I spend is simply not there.

The other part, though – not wanting to spend the time, is the part that has me perplexed.  I guess I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out on iRacing.  I’m not sure why, but I have certainly been easily distracted by other things.  Part of the distraction is the feeling of being a little burnt out.  The other part, is the fact that I’ve had the opportunity to spend more time online with my best friend playing games and “hanging out”.  I’ve been having a lot of fun with that.  Since he’s not an iRacer, spending time with him is time NOT spending time on iRacing.  That is something I’ve been… okay??? with.

As silly as this may sound, it really is a dilemma for me.  I like to race.  I like a lot of the guys I race with.  I consider most of them friends.  I just have felt more compelled to hang out with my buddy of nearly 30 years.  Yeah, I’ve been friends with Matt for almost 30 years now… wow.  Maybe this thing with my one family member going into assisted living has got me more aware of the limits on time I have with my family and best friend.  So, I have definitely been more willing to give up time for iRacing lately, in favor of time hanging with Matt.

I hope the iRacing friends that read this understand.  I’m not gone for good, and I’m not mad at you guys.  I just have not gotten that wound up about either of the leagues over the past few weeks.  I’ve screwed myself out of racing in one league by not meeting minimum practice requirements.  And the Texas League on Thursday nights has been neglected because by that time of the week, I’m just not feeling it.  I don’t know.

My final distraction is Mind the Shadows.  I have been making some effort on the next chapters.  That effort, though, is not yielding fruit… yet.  I have been feeling compelled to write, but I have deleted and re-written a lot lately.  And I’m STILL not sure if I’m happy with it.  Anybody that writes will get it.  It’s been… frustrating.

Anyway, that’s enough bitching.  I promise to try and be more entertaining in future posts.  I just felt like I needed to one, make a post, and two, let folks know that follow this where my head has been.

Thanks for listening…

B.U.I. (Blogging Under the Influence) (PG-13)


Fueled by the effects of ethanol and swooned by the melodic sounds of 80’s and 90’s rock, the word smith has chosen to bedazzle…  oh who the fuck am I kidding?!?!?

So, the consumption of Jack and Dew is currently taking place, and I decided to make an entry in this here blog thingy.  Good idea?  Not my fuckin’ problem <grin>.

I’ve got a lot going on in that abyss on my shoulders.  I have reached a stalemate between Mind the Shadows motivation and other ideas ricocheting around in there.  I am currently enjoying a World of Tanks feed from my best friend on Twitch.  I just finished playing a little 7 Days to Die; it’s a zombie survival game to which I currently find myself having a mild addiction.  Oh… I also raced last night. That didn’t go very well.  And yep, I’m drinkin’ a little 😛

As for Mind the Shadows, I am missing that next piece of inspiration to drag my muse kicking and screaming back to chapter 7 and beyond.  I know I have to get Marek and Jammer on the same page so that they can work together getting Marek’s shit together, and that’s great.  It will likely increase the bond they already have when Marek shares his big secret.  Jammer will definitely want to know more and help his friend deal with it.  In fact, I think it should be pretty easy to tie that off and take the next step. I need a catalyst to push that over the edge, though, and I kind of got one, right?  Yes, Jammer is going to look into who tried to connect to Marek’s Net box.  But I’ll be brutally honest;  I don’t have a damned clue who that is yet.  I suspect figuring that out is the key to getting this road on the show again, but I’d be shittin’ ya right now if I told you I had any idea who that is and exactly what’s going on there.  I think that’s the big stick in the mud.

The other ideas are one each of sci-fi and fantasy.  The fantasy is some older shit that I kinda want to revive from my gaming days, but the needed work, as I perceive it, feels a bit daunting.  I might actually enjoy it given the nostalgia I’m likely to experience resurrecting some game night memories, but I also see the other idea and Mind the Shadows as other avenues to be… lazy?  Less work?  I dunno.

The sci-fi idea is something that’s just starting to take shape in my head.  I haven’t put a word down yet.  I’m not sure if it’s overly original, but I’ll likely have fun writing it if I can actually start to drop that mental turd. Yes, with that remark, I’m allowing for the possibility that it’ll stink <grin>.  I guess I need more head fiber, though.

Oh well,  I guess I’ll knock off here.

The race?  Bah! It was a league race where I got myself into a bad situation on the first lap.  I panicked when someone else made the situation worse and hit a guy that I shouldn’t have even come close to touching in spite of our proximity.  It created some bad vibes.  It was implied that I did something that I know I didn’t actually do – and wouldn’t do, and it kinda torqued me.  I thought I had a better reputation than that.  I think now, though, things are cool between me and the guy whose race I ruined.  No hard feelings, I hope.

Now I’m done… later.


Happy New Year.

It was a long week.  I was getting used to 3-day weeks with the way work holidays fell.  This was the first FULL week back.  I know… wah, wah.  But hey, it’s my blog 😛


Sorry for the lack of keyboard work.  I’ve been letting myself get distracted too easy.  I’ve been wracking my brain a bit on Mind the Shadows.  I’m trying to tie a couple things together, and for whatever reason, I’m getting more out of just beating my head against the desk.  I’ve also  had a couple of preliminary other ideas starting to rattle around.   I’m afraid if I go down another “rabbit hole”, though, I won’t come back to the Shadows anytime soon.  Any advice?  Do I mess around with something else and hope to come back to the Shadows?  I’m pretty sure the indecision has created my lack of motivation.  Funny how that works.


Thank You… No, Really. Thanks!

So, I just noticed that I’m getting some views on this site.  Thanks!  I really appreciate it.  I really, REALLY appreciate that someone took a look at Mind The Shadows.  Please, keep it up.  And, hey, let me know what you think.  It doesn’t matter if you love it or hate it.  I’d like to know.  I like to write.  I do it for me, but I also like to know that other are taking a look, and feedback helps learn to be better at it.  As a tabletop gamer, I like to spin a yarn.  I like to talk about my thoughts.  I also like to hear back from the readers.

Anyway, I wanted to make sure those out there paying attention to what I put here are appreciated.  🙂